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The Unbearable Heaviness of Being

My quest for the eternal lightness

Category Archives: hope

royalnikah.jpgA glimpse of hope.

I said a silent prayer for The Raja Muda of Perak, Raja Nazrin Shah as he sealed his marriage covenant with now Raja Puan Besar Perak, Tuanku Zara Salim Davidson. In a rare expression of royal simplicity and charity, the prince has inspired (in his small ways)  the hope for a new kingdom and a new rule for the subjects of Perak, and beyond. A kingdom in which public funds are not coveted, banquet guests are orphans, children and common folk (people of no political leverage), and a king who passionately declares, “Malaysians of all races, religions, and geographic locations need to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have a place under the Malaysian sun.”

I join in with the millions who secretly crave for the coming of this kingdom.


news.jpgI could use some goodnews today.

I am despaired by the drowning effect of dogmatism. In the polarized community that I am in, there is an endless quest of ‘winning over’ others. The quest of putting together the winning team. ‘Synagogues’ of the ‘jews’ of today vigorously pass out the antidote to our messiness and our lostness. I am baffled by the breathtaking ‘solutions’ that seem to be a real high calling. But I despise the refusal of these solutions to embrace part of my ‘gentile-ness’. Simple goodness and kindness is insufficient. The real answer lies in the race to the finishing line. And all claimed to know where that line lies. In fact while the need to decide the line becomes the central issue, the struggle to embody sincere kindness becomes secondary, sometimes trivialized and worse, forgotten.

How can an average ‘gentile’ like me fit into this whole system? The finishing line is too distant for me to envision. For now, I have my ‘leprosy’ to deal with. In the darkest moments of loneliness, my body is dissolving into nothingness. I have the zealots telling me to go wage war for my liberation. I have my teachers of the law who tells me that I have not gotten ‘certain’ things right- the exact prescription to still qualify me for the finishing line. I have Herod who tells me ‘resistance is futile’. And of course I have ‘pagans’ (who knows) who draws me to other ‘mysticisms’.  

What would be the goodnews for me in this mess? If I would re-imagine a savior for this lostness of humanity who’d bring the message of salvation and redemption, what would that message be?

I am imagining, desperately hoping for the goodnews.