Memory and Fiction
It’s like one of those nights. I’d go for a beer after work and head home for my dinner, then go right off to sleep. You know, it could be one of those days when you probably are just feeling tired and you hope that all things will be okay when you wake up to a new day. Okay, old script. Oh, but I am not thinking of a mystical kind of grace that dawns in the morning sun which takes away the heaviness. Not like that. But perhaps a kind of unattainable grace, unforeseeable, beyond deconstruction. I called my friend and put off our appointment. What do you do when you feel that the world has continously walked out on you anyway?
Sometimes you want to tell the world that you intend to walk out on it. It feels good, for a while.
I stripped and stepped into the showers. The water was cold. A sensation I don’t really enjoy. But the change of temperature was helpful. I’ve ordered pizza and left it on the table. Outside, the TV was on, with the local news beaming.
I sat down on my couch. Gotham city is frantically seeking out a savior. The decadence of the city has reached its peak. Even law enforcers has become a B aN e to its people. The hero fell. Law and morality was indeed upheld by a lie. The white knight has re-emerged. But is this a knight the city needs or one which it deserves?
I don’t even remember how many times I dozed off on the couch. I got up. And found myself a new script. I need to help save Gotham City.
Danke Bandsmen!
I realize that a “speaker”’s work can be as didactic in its way as a sermon from a church’s pulpit. And I never believed that truth is learnt through instructive teaching or moralizing. It was certainly a challenge to slip into the same shoes again, as I did previously, and to facilitate a team leadership training for a group of 60 bandsmen. 10 years on and I’m thankful that I was able to reconnect with my base in the school band in which I was once very active. Of course, the team has come a long way and doing band now, as it turn out is far more trying than it was before.
The weather was a reminiscent of autumn in Osaka, minus the rain which poured adamantly throughout the whole weekend. I was glad that the team did more talking than I did, which to me was a good thing. And I was enormously taken in by the provocative opinions and the gracious acceptance demonstrated both by those from past and present. The formal salutations were, however pretty intimidating. Hopefully conversations like these will continue.
On a personal note, having gone through a really tiring month, I was really glad I made the trip. Found time and opportunity to:
- Read David Sedaris’ When You are Engulfed in Flames which Sue lent me
- Try a sip of Bear Beer which Joash recommended (how can anyone drink something like that?)
- Have lunch at Smokehouse for the first time - cream of asparagus for startes and Rainbow Trout for main. Paid RM100 - the chinese would say ‘got into the pirates’ ship
- Listen to Laura Fygi as I fall asleep
- Learn to enjoy Sauerkraut at a German restaurant - eat them with lots of mustard sauce - would taste even better with a bottle of Riesling.
I am upset too!
Upset over the negative perceptions
I share our PM’s sentiments when he addressed his staff in the PM’s Department this week. He sternly rebuked those who spread lies and slanders via the Internet and the short messaging service (SMS). Describing those “lies” as an attempt to create a perception of uncertainty in the country, he believed it was also an act against the tenets of the Rukunegara such as loyalty to king and country, upholding the Constitution, the rule of law, and good behaviour and morality.
As he pointed out, perceptions has certainly influenced the attitudes and options of some people in making decisions including those related to investment and business.
Dear Mr PM, I agree and would add that you, and your government too has in no lesser degree contributed to these negative perceptions by virtue of your lack of determination in setting the records straight and coming out clean and clear on many issues pertaining to policies which directly affect public confidence in BN’s ability to run the country with integrity.
Sure, bloggers who lie and slander must be called to give account to their irresponsible deeds. But you, Mr PM, should first respond to these liars by setting the example. Let’s show them how a true and faithful Malaysian should behave. Let us hear you stating clearly your loyalty to our royal household by taking full responsibility for the unbecoming behaviour of the UMNO supporters in Terengganu and your glaring headline remark which demeaned the consitutional right of the sultan in exercising his prerogative in picking the new MB. Show these lying bloggers that it takes a sincere man to own up to his words, words spoken and written, which have been perceived to be disrespectful to our king. KESETIAAN KEPADA RAJA DAN NEGARA.
When fellow Malaysians like Manoharan, Uthayakumar, Ganabatirau, Kenghadharan and Vasantha Kumar were taken under ISA detention and purportedly linked with “terrorist organizations” which have been proven completely baseless, you summomed your minister but maintained your elegant silence. I was disappointed because I believed that you are a PM who will not tolerate violation of basic human rights to a fair representation when detained, and fair trial in court with clear charges. I urge you now to make clear to all that you mean business in upholding the constitutional rights of every Malaysian by abolishing the ISA. Indeed, show them that you honor KELUHURAN PERLEMBAGAAN.
Expose these liars by showing the world that there is no reason to doubt the judiciary and law enforcement institutions in Malaysia. Let’s restore public confidence in the police force by instructing all ministers (and their wives) to insist on turning themselves in to the police to have their statements recorded (like the rest of us) should there be any reports made against them. Like RPK and Nat (of course, there are many more) who had been hauled up for days and their family thrown into wild-goose chases for allegedly seditious and malicious postings on their respective blogs, can we have a clear procedure made known to public how cases like these will be dealt with in a fair and civilized mannner. Oh by the way, I remember there are similar cases reported against you too?? Let’s do what is right. Let’s have you and your BN MPs relentlessly pushing for reforms in Parliament which are essential to KEDAULATAN UNDANG-UNDANG - for a judiciary system truly separated from your executive powers and not just pay some unknown amount of money to certain judges.
It is very unKESOPANAN DAN KESUSILAAN of your MPs to resort to lewd hand gestures and name callings when they find themselves falling short of intelligible thoughts to offer. Please publicly rebuke these ‘honorable’ clowns and restore public confidence in the credibilty of those elected to run the country and economy. And while you’re at it, please also apologize and promise not to repeat your fondness in telling lies, like you did when confirming that the parliament was not to be dissolved, only to go back on your words the following day. Also, for all the flip-flop acts you have often demonstrated for all to see, leaving me so confused with where this country is heading, let alone those with business investment interests. Only then, the people will have confidence in your efforts.
Like most Malaysian, I desire peace. But peace, must not be paid with self-deceit, ignorance, gullibility, betrayal and surpression of truth.
So-do-my countrymen want to be convinced?
Evidences were skewed right before the very eyes of Malaysians 10 years ago. The world witnessed one of the most outrages court proceedings with heinous interventions from power players. The ruling was eventually overturned and the man acquitted. The same crime is alleged now, after a decade has passed. The same people are still dictating the rules of the game. This time, whether the alleged crime really took place or otherwise, how can we Malaysians be convinced and assured of fair investigation and if at all, a fair trial when meaningful reforms in the judiciary and policing system were not forthcoming? These are the very same forces that have been systematically used through the years to deny we Malaysians, of our own country.
Of course, this is not just about one man. Justice must be served, but let us not be side-tracked. We know who shall be answerable if the same kangaroo court is reconvened after 10 years. Beyond that, tell us what is done to prepare us to weather the following:
1. Escalating worldwide food shortage
2. Increasing pressure of rising fuel prices and its effects on prices of daily essentials
3. Further distortion of food and energy (and most commodities) prices due to increasing speculative activity by hedge funds & investment banks
4. Impending threat of collapse of the global financial system
5. Effects of the slowing down of the US economy - the ongoing financial crisis leading to persistent liquidity shortages, pressure on capital of banks and other financial institutions, increasing credit risks and sharply falling prices of mortgage-related and other structured securities as well as of equities. Given that Malaysia’s economy is still heavily export-oriented with a still largish exposure to the US.
6. Adverse income disparity
7. High wastages in public expenditure and worsening corruption
Please explain to us, how, will the annual RM2billion savings from the government’s cost cutting package will be channeled to help the nation and how the remaining 90% of each minister’s entertainment allowance (which totals RM7million/year) is spent?!
Please. Please do not ’sodomize’ the people of Malaysia anymore. Stop playing your backside games for your own survival. We are not the means to your political ends. Get to work!
Goodbye Golliwoggs!
There’s a season for everything. And the time has come for us to bid farewell. There were dreams. There are memories. Still, there are new hopes in these new paths. You have been wonderful friends, and faithful brothers. My life has been blessed by your genuine love.Thank you, Shyan, Siang and Hin.
Wordle Fun
This is totally fun. Kept me happy and engaged. Random WORDLE. Great way to interact with words which have neither a self nor any neutral metalanguage to either analyze themselves or the world around them- a world of pointless futureless love, perhaps?
Something new from the old
I thought that Jay Chou’s fusion of the Golden Oldie Lover’s Tears into his movie ‘Secret’ was brilliant. It has certainly renewed some long forgotten love for this beautiful song. For me, it has also reignited a craving for songs from the same era. Sung with sort of a lethargical but addictive piano accompaniment, and tunes from drowsy strings and sombre horns.
Songs which bring a picture of a middle age woman, in clogs, sitting on a little stool in her kitchen, cigarette in mouth and a fan in her hand fanning off the heat in a hot lazy afternoon - a big contrast to the impact which Jay intended to create.
I Want Failure.
L (No, not the L from Japanese anime Death Note) was taken aback when I told her that I secretly crave for failure. It stems from the deep suspicion I have for ’something higher’. Failure, that which is so terrifying, so real. I told L, that I often wonder (I am even lured to it sometimes) about that which is found in the debris when the tower of success is brought down.
Have we become achievement whores that we are willing to prostitute every memory to our lust for a unified, triumphant tale? And how we have defended our pleasure against the ‘voices’ of ‘emptiness’ which tempt us to leave the bosoms that we rest in.
I find comfort in St Augustine’s confession (from reading THIS article) :
But many people who know me, and others who do not know me but have heard of me or read my books, wish to hear what I am now, at this moment, and yet it is in my heart that I am whatever I am. So they wish to listen as I confess what I am in my heart, into which they cannot pry by eye or ear or mind. They wish to hear and they are ready to believe; but can they really know me?
Why I like Hoegaarden Grand Cru
I picked up these reviews and they are proofs to how it got taste buds all confused
- Spicy; citrus and a tinge of coriander
- Spicy, pepper, banana, coriander come to mind, maybe a bit of lemon?
- Vanilla and wheat
- Smell of tropical fruits including pineapple, mixed with a moderate alcohol whiff
Why I like it?
It has such complex profile! And of course, it’s yummy too.
